just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
