tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
