For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
