Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
