so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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