I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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