a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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