She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
