you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
