fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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