just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
