i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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