please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize