My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
