you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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