I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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