Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
