Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
