Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
