bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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