He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
