We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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