So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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