the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
