Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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