he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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