ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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