Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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