You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
