If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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