no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
