We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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