i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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