zippers are such a cool invention
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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