And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
