Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
