bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
