Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
