somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
