After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
