The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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