Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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