i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
