right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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