so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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