My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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