I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
