I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize