ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
