I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
