god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
