You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
