You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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