one two three fourrrrnication!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
