I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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