i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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