Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize