he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
