My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
