You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
should my penis look like a turkey
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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