best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize