Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
