apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
