you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
