so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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