i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
