Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
