Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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