hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
